Posted in Humor

30 Things Only Firstborns Would Know


Family life from a teenager’s perspective. You know you’re an older sister of a large, homeschooling family if you can relate to most or all of these points. Enjoy!

~ Part One: Life in General ~

  1. Your parents drive a fifteen passenger van on date nights
  2. “Easy meals” are ones that take less than an hour to prepare
  3. You quarantine the house for every cold and flu, because it’ll take at least two weeks for it to get through everyone
  4. True “Quiet Time” only happens when everyone takes their noise outside
  5. You learned to ride a two-wheeled bike because your brother needed the training wheels to build a robot
  6. Babysitting is not a job, it’s a way of life
  7. You’ve probably considered creative writing as a career, so your siblings can read your bedtime stories for a change
  8. Five years ago you could toss your younger brother over your shoulder and tickle him mercilessly. But now he’s grown taller than you, and you can only hope he’s not interested in revenge
  9. Your family justice system has three branches of government: Dad, Mom, You
  10. You spend your childhood wondering why your parents are so strict on you, and your teenage years wondering why they’re so loose on your siblings
  11. Housecleaning becomes very important when you trip on the same shoes in three different locations through the day
  12. It’s hard to save money, because you’re buying birthday gifts at least once a month
  13. You and your Mom own the same outfit in three different colors because it was ON SALE!!


~ Part Two: Travel ~

  1. The phrase “family vacation” brings to mind baby car seats full of French fries
  2. Dropping off library books counts as a family outing
  3. You know from experience that it’s possible to fit three siblings on one twin sized bed and still get to sleep
  4. You also know that sleeping with three siblings on one twin sized bed will result in neck cramps by morning
  5. You can identify each person’s bologna sandwich without reading the name on the bag
  6. You treat stores like museums: the items on display are only for looks


~ Part Three: Social Status ~

  1. Whenever you plan to leave the house for an extended period, everyone’s first question is “Who will take over your chores?”
  2. Your younger siblings believe your friends exist solely to play Candy Land, Bubble Trouble, and Apples to Apples, ten times each
  3. A phone conversation with a friend is a time to exchange babysitting stories
  4. You may be an adult, but acquaintances know you as “One of the kids” because there’s just too many names to keep straight
  5. The rest of the world says you need to socialize more, when you already have a hard time imagining five minutes alone


~ Part Four: Schooling ~

  1. You know the words to every Veggie Tales song ever penned, and your art classes involved drawing Larry the Cucumber in various outfits
  2. You write things down so no one will forget, but then everyone forgets to read it
  3. You purchase pens and pencils on a weekly basis, but can’t find any of them from Monday to Friday
  4. Your bookshelf is mostly yellow, with “For Dummies” on the spine
  5. You’ve experimented with almost every hobby known to man, then discovered you can’t afford any of them


~ Part Five: BONUS ~

Finally, everyone wants to know when you’ll be moving out of your parent’s house, and you wonder why you’d want to live anywhere else